The Damsel and the Butch
by Lenore483
Summary: Fleur and Tonks team up to steal when they are both in dire need of money. Total nonsense for your enjoyment


To anyone reading this: I am very sorry. I tried embracing the ways of Ernest Hemingway: Write drunk, edit sober. I guess you can say that the story in itself is just as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. It was what I was going for but I don't know how many people will like this. I guess it's a parody? Yes, a parody of robberies everywhere. Also: Tonks and Fleur are badasses in this.

Protip: Always do this at your place of work when working in a bar. Sometimes you get free drinks.

This is my attempt at a parody of the classic, "Two very different people fall in love/become friends when they go through some tough shit together."

Prompts QLFC:

S Club 7 - Reach

Muggle Restaurant

Only Female Characters

Main prompt: describe the emotion surprise without using the word

Prompts Diagon Alley II:

Pairing: Nymphadora Tonks/Fleur Delacour

Special thanks to my awesome beta's: Sunne, Tiggs and Mal. You three are the best 3

* * *

When Nymphadora Tonks' parents died, she left her former life behind. Most of it had to do with not having enough money to finish her last few years at Hogwarts, and she refused to live in an orphanage. The only thing left for her to do, in her own opinion at least, was to take to the streets and steal.

At eighteen, her life became even more difficult. She was a striking witch with a great physique and the ability to morph into whatever she wanted. It made her a target for men wanting to take advantage of a young girl without a place to call home. That wasn't the only threat looming; Aurors were looking for her. She knew it was high time to move on and find other hunting grounds, so she fled to France.

To protect herself, she morphed into an ugly deformed girl to repel men seeking to take advantage of her. It made her easier to track in the long run; by the time she met Fleur Delacour, she had already decided to move to yet another country.

Of course, she didn't know Fleur's name at first, but she remembered that meeting vividly. Fleur was everything that any girl ever wanted to be—beauty and grace personified. Tonks had decided to steal from her based mostly on pure jealousy. This girl got to walk around looking like an angel fallen from heaven and be safe while Tonks had to look as disgusting as possible to be able to live.

Maybe it was because she bumped into her extra hard out of spite that Fleur caught her, or maybe Fleur saw right through her.

"Excusez-moi?"

"Sorry, I don't speak French," Tonks said as she hastened to get away.

"That is no excuse for rudeness," the girl said and held Tonks back by her shoulder.

"I have somewhere I need to be." Tonks glared at her and wrenched her shoulder out of the girl's grip, but her opponent was quick to catch her again.

"I would like my money back before you go."

Tonks cursed inwardly for her folly. The grip on her shoulder made it impossible to walk away, and she didn't know how to Apparate—though she doubted that knowledge could be any help in this situation.

"It's not like you need the money."

"Why do you think this?" Fleur crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin higher. The reaction was comical because it made her seem that much richer, while she was implying she was anything but.

"Your clothes, the way you act, everything about you, really." Tonks scowled.

"Compared to you, yes. You are the filthiest girl I have ever seen." Fleur wrinkled her nose in disgust while eying Tonks' outfit.

"And you're the most fragile thing I have ever seen. I could break you in two just by looking at you."

"Vile thing."

"Rich girl."

Fleur's lip curled. "What is your name?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I will tell the authorities when I report you."

Tonks was leaving the country in the next few days so she didn't care much either way. It wasn't like they would track a Muggle surname to a lost street girl from London.

"Tonks."

The other girl's beautiful, almond shaped eyes looked at her for a minute before she responded. "Fleur."

Tonks gave her a curt nod. Something about the way Fleur carried herself made Tonks respect her enough to give her the money back.

"Here."

Fleur looked down at Tonks' hand holding out her wallet. Fleur gaped at Tonks flabbergasted, probably unable to understand why Tonks would suddenly give her money back, and her grip loosened.

Tonks wasn't one to waste an opportunity like that, so she ran leaving the loot for the first time in her life.

* * *

It was two days later that Tonks met Fleur again.

Fleur was boarding a Muggle boat going to America, the same one Tonks was sneaking onto by using a Befuddlement Charm on the captain.

She plopped down across from Fleur in the on-board restaurant, this time without looking like someone else.

"If it isn't the rich girl."

"Go away, vile thing," Fleur said impatiently without looking up.

"Didn't think you would recognize me."

"Why not? Even your voice is vile."

Tonks thought that was rich coming from a girl with a shrill voice that grated on your nerves whenever she spoke in that awful accent.

"Why are you here?" Tonks asked.

"Vacation."

"Without your husband?"

Fleur sat up and looked at her in a sudden movement that startled Tonks. "How did you know?"

"The wedding ring."

"Wait—Who are you? I do not recognize you."

"We met a couple of days ago; I tried to steal your almost empty purse."

Embarrassment colored Fleur's cheeks pink as she looked away and mumbled an excuse that she must have forgotten to prepare for. Tonks found it odd that the girl hadn't come up with some explanation for traveling alone before she embarked on the journey.

"You looked different then."

"I'm a Metamorphmagus."

"So you decided to be pretty for me now?"

It was Tonks' turn to be caught unaware by her question. Though she was happy with her looks, she didn't expect to be complimented by someone like Fleur.

"This is how I look normally."

"Oh," Fleur said.

They sat in silence until the waiter came and took Tonks' order. Fleur was fiddling with the wedding ring and occasionally looked at Tonks from the corner of her eye.

"I was a prisoner in my own home, so I left," she mumbled.

"Oh," Tonks said. She stared at her food while she came to the startling conclusion that they weren't all that different. She was lost in thought about how they both got put in an awful position and decided to do something drastic to fix it. The conversation didn't pick up until Tonks had received her food.

"Is it hard to steal?" Fleur asked while Tonks was taking a sip of water.

Tonks, the ungraceful klutz that she was, sprayed water all over the table and Fleur at the sudden, unexpected question.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Is it hard to steal?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"After I get to America, I do not have any money left. My husband controls the money so I could only get enough together for the trip."

"I guess I could teach you."

"Ah, thank you! That would be great!"

"If you let me stay in your cabin with you."

"You can count on me." Fleur smiled.

They shook hands, both thinking that they got the better end of the deal.

Fleur had a lot of room in her cabin and didn't see the problem with sharing. Most likely this was because she had never had to share anything in her entire life, so she didn't understand how difficult it could be when two people are cramped in a tiny space.

Tonks, on the other hand, thought that teaching someone to steal could be done in a day if done right. She soon learned that she couldn't do it right when the person being taught didn't understand the concept of being inconspicuous. Fleur was not a person that went under the radar.

* * *

When they arrived in America, they relied on each other for survival. Fleur had a knack for making people buy her things, and Tonks knew where to sell them for the most amount of money.

That scam didn't work for long before the American Aurors were after them. Since they didn't have money to travel anywhere else, they decided to blend in with Muggles and steal from them instead.

That brought on a new set of problems. Muggles didn't understand what a wand could do, and the girls didn't understand Muggle things at all. The wallets Tonks stole now were full of cards made out of a strange material and very little money.

"What are these?" Tonks asked Fleur.

"I know less about Muggle things than you. You had a Muggle father!"

"Muggle _born_ father. I grew up in a magical household just like you!"

"This is hopeless."

"We just have to think of something else. Maybe we can rob a place?"

"Like a bank?"

"That is brilliant!" Tonks burst out and kissed Fleur. Fleur had no idea how to respond to the soft lips pressed against hers. Tonks was nothing like she thought she would be, though Fleur would not admit out loud that she had ever thought about what it would be like to kiss Tonks. No, Tonks was delicate and warm, her skin soft to the touch and her lips moist as they moved against her own.

They broke apart both unable to form words to express their thoughts regarding the sudden and unexpected kiss that had happened between them.

"Should we talk about this?" Fleur asked.

"No, let's just go rob a bank instead."

* * *

It turned out banks weren't that easy to rob in the Muggle world either. First of all, no one ever understood why they should listen to what two girls holding wood were saying. Secondly, the police always showed up before they could figure out how to get the money out of the bank. Neither of the girls knew about the red button that the cashier could press when there was a robbery going on. It also had the unfortunate side effect that the Aurors were getting close to catching them. They didn't care in the slightest that they were stealing money from the Muggle population; they only cared about the Statute of Secrecy.

The girls had to think of other places to rob, so Fleur suggested something else this time: a restaurant.

This lead to Fleur and Tonks running into a restaurant with their wands raised.

"Wotcher restaurant people, this is a robbery," Tonks yelled. All around the restaurant people dropped their cutlery and gasped at the two strange girls running into the fine establishment where the richest people in New York dined. Never before had anyone dared to attack the Upper West Side's best place to eat. In their opinion, it was an outrage unlike any other.

"Hands on the floor!" Tonks almost bounced up and down in excitement. It was thrilling being able to take money from the rich and give it to the poor. In this scenario, the poor were herself and her partner.

"Tonks!"

"What?"  
"That's not what you say." Fleur rolled her eyes at her companion.

"What do you say then?" Tonks said in a mocking tone, and raised an eyebrow waiting for Fleur to respond.

Fleur thought for a moment before she said, "Hit the ceiling?"

Tonks moved closer to Fleur and leaned in to ask her in a quiet tone, "Are you sure?"

"Not really. It sounds even more silly." Fleur sighed. "How are we going to figure it out?"

Fleur shrugged. At this point neither girl were pointing their wands at anyone, not that it would matter since none of the other people in the room were afraid of the wands.

"Ask someone?"

"Oh! Good idea." Fleur turned to the closest person and said, "You there, the Muggle in the red dress."

"Me?" The lady asked, confused about the other word the strange stick wielding lady had called her.

"Yes, you. What do robbers say when they enter the place they are robbing?"

"Hands in the air?"

"That's it! I was close," Tonks said, snapping her fingers together and pointing at the lady in a strange gesture.

Fleur pressed her lips together and looked in another direction than Tonks. "Sure, now can we get on with the robbery?"

"Right." Tonks pointed her wand at the lady in the red dress who instinctively reacted by putting her hands in the air, making the next words that Tonks said unnecessary. "Hands in the air, everyone!"

"Why? You're just waving sticks around. Did you just escape the mental ward?" a young girl with big breasts sitting next to a very old man asked while she crossed her arms underneath the big boobs.

"I do not know what this is," Fleur said and looked at Tonks waiting for her to explain it.

"No idea either, mental is something to do with the mind so maybe crazy people?"

"How dare you call my partner crazy!" Fleur exclaimed and shot a hex at the girl. The hex was just a common bat bogey hex, but it resulted in the entire restaurant freaking out. People were shouting, some hiding underneath the table or behind other people. Exclamations of "Magic!" were heard all around.

"That's right, magic! Fear us!" Tonks said

"Tonks," Fleur whispered. "Maybe not so much?"

"Yes, way much." Tonks nodded like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Fleur. "Now everyone, SHUT UP!"

Her words had a stronger effect this time: everyone stopped what they were doing, afraid to make the tiniest sound or even move a muscle. A song blasted in the background; the lyrics, "follow your heart's desire," spoke to Fleur. A realization hit her harder than anything had ever before. She stood next to Tonks gaping at her and making her partner confused.

"Tonks," she said, stepping closer to her.

"Yes, Fleur?" Tonks raised an eyebrow and accidentally twirled her wand so magic came out of it, spooking people. One person peed their pants, but it wasn't the little kid in the corner. No, that kid creamed his pants in excitement instead.

They both looked each other in the eyes as the band sang, "Don't believe in all that you've been told."

Fleur took another step closer to Tonks and touched her cheek in affection. "I love you."

The news flabbergasted Tonks, but her wand started shooting fireworks out of its tip, to the one kid's pleasure and everyone else's terror. Neither of the girls noticed it, however; they were too caught up in each other.

"The song inspired me to confess my feelings for you. I see that you don't feel the same way about me and that makes me très sad," Fleur said and started to turn away from Tonks.

"I love it when you talk French," Tonks said and threw herself into Fleur's arms. Fleur had wide eyes and raised eyebrows as Tonks planted a kiss on her.

One old lady, who was so wrinkled her skin looked like a handbag, got to her feet and said, "Magic I can deal with, but two girls kissing? I am outraged!" and then she stomped all the way out of the restaurant. Nobody else dared move, even if a few of the other older people did start to grumble their displeasure at the display of public affection happening between them.

"When we've got each other there is nothing bad that could ever happen," Tonks said when they finally broke apart from the intense kiss.

"We've got each other for the rest of our lives," Fleur responded and smiled before she took her partner's hand and turned to face the people they had forgotten to rob. "Give us all your money!"

For once, they managed to get all of the money from everyone there, including the restaurant itself, before they were faced with the sudden appearance of several Aurors.

"Finally, we have caught up with the Damsel and the Butch!"

"What did you just call us?" Fleur said, outraged by the names the Aurors had given them. She charged forward and almost throttled the nearest Auror. He had no idea what he was supposed to do against the angry woman and looked at the others for help, but they were just as clueless.

"Come on, we have to go!" Tonks pulled Fleur out the back way while Fleur yelled and sent hexes and curses after the Aurors, who decided the better course of action was to hide behind some benches. Real men don't fight women—that was their excuse for not engaging with the crazed girl that they didn't stand a chance against.

When Fleur cooled down, she tried to get them out of there, only to realize the Aurors must have put up some wards. "We can't Apparate!" she told Tonks.

Tonks cursed, and then she saw a car with its doors wide open and got an idea. She pulled Fleur into the car and then started it. She vaguely remembered learning to drive one when she visited her Muggle grandparents one summer before they passed away.

"I didn't know you could use one of these!" Fleur sounded impressed and bewildered at the same time.

"I didn't know I could either," Tonks responded.

"What did you just say?" Fleur asked, but was drowned out by the sound of the engine as Tonks hit the gas with everything she had.

Fleur screamed as the car took off down the highway.

When they didn't die in a sudden explosion, Fleur calmed down enough to look behind them to see if they were being followed. The Aurors that had been awe-struck by Fleur's anger had taken up pursuit and were following them on brooms. The pursuit probably exposed magic to more Muggles than Fleur and Tonks had ever done while attempting to rob places.

"Does this car fly?" Fleur asked Tonks.

"Let us find out," Tonks said and accelerated, putting more distance between them and the Aurors following them on brooms.

In the end, they flew into the sunset. It was a very bad decision driving off a cliff, but they were too happy to be concerned about it.

After all, love makes you do crazy things.


End file.
